Understanding Pet Loss¹

• Do you feel that the death of your beloved pet is more painful than any other you have experienced?
• Do you find that others don’t understand the depth of your loss?
• Are you feeling alone, misunderstood and angry?
• Do you feel guilty having to rehome a pet?
• Did your beloved pet experience a tragic death?
• Do you worry that you’re weird or out of touch because of how you are feeling/grieving?
• Are you an empty nester or a childless single or couple who feels beloved pets ARE their children?

These are classic examples of disenfranchised grief.

I know from personal experience that grief is real, deep and can be bitter. It can be all encompassing and overwhelming.  It can leave us in a "fog". Pet loss grief can be more painful than any other loss we may endure. That is true. The symbiotic relationship we have with our pets is like no other because of the total unconditional love we share with them, and the loss we experience is can be like no other. To complicate the matter no two people grieve the same way, even over the same pet. 

When we bring a pet into our home, the pet becomes a cherished member of our family. Most of us find it very difficult to think of our pet’s eventual death. However, there comes a time when we realize our time with them is limited, whether due to illness or old age.

Anticipatory Bereavement

Coping with Elderly and Sick Pets

Anticipatory Grief has many of the same symptoms as grief from an actual loss, but it is complicated by the inescapable knowledge of the impending death of our beloved. The responsibility we have to protect our pets from prolonged pain and suffering may require us to make the decision to end our pet’s life in a loving and humane fashion. This is a hard, but necessary decision to make.

Being prepared for the inevitable can make the remaining time with our pets more meaningful and is beneficial for us and our pet. Consider:

• Enjoying the remaining time you have together.
• Making plans for euthanasia and aftercare ahead of time when you are not raw with emotions.
• Taking care of yourself to ensure an easier transition for all concerned.
• Being kind and tender to yourself as this journey unfolds.
• Making a commitment to yourself and your pet that their needs will come before your fear of losing them. Fear can be paralyzing try not to give it a foothold. 

Euthanasia

Deciding whether or not to euthanize your beloved pet can be one of the most emotional and painful decisions you will ever have to make. We have pledged to make the best decisions for our animal companion’s well-being, and we are obliged to see that s/he has a comfortable, healthy and painless life. Euthanasia may be the only way to humanely eliminate our pet’s suffering and deteriorating quality of life.

When you are faced with this difficult choice, consider the following Quality of Life²  evaluation:

• HURT – Is your pet in pain?
• HUNGER/HYDRATION – Is your pet eating/drinking enough?
• HYGIENE – Can your pet groom her/himself?
• HAPPINESS – Is your pet able to experience any joy or mental stimulation?
• MOBILITY- Is your pet able to move around on his/her own or with help in order to satisfy his/her desires?
• MORE GOOD DAYS THAN BAD – When bad days outnumber good days, your pet’s quality of life might be too compromised.

Tragic Loss 

Losing a beloved pet in a tragic manner such as an animal attack or injury such as being hit by a car can be especially distressing and even cause PTSD. Healing is real and possible. 

Rehoming

Sometimes rehoming  is the best possible outcome for our beloved pets.

A senior moving into assisted living where no pets are allowed will have to find a loving home for his cat. A family is bringing home a new baby, however the family dog might 

"not be that great" with children, so to avoid a tragedy, a new, more suitable home needs to be found for the otherwise loving dog. These are some examples of a rehoming situation and very often there is shame involved. There does not need to be any shame. Finding a new home for a beloved pet is one of the most selfless acts we can do despite the pain, shame and grief it might cause us. 

Missing Pet

Having a pet go missing is unsettling to say the least. Sometimes the pet returns to the relief of the pet parent (s). There are tools available to assist in finding the pet, but sometimes it doesn't happen. Peace can be found again even with the uncertainty of not having a reunion. 

Service and Emotional Support Animals

For pet parents and those who love pets we understand the gift of unconditional love they bestow upon us. However individuals dealing with a disability whether it be physical, mental or emotional who are in need of a service animal, their relationship takes on an added and deeper dimension. Not only are they grieving the loss of their pet / helper they could be facing a challenging situation regarding their independence until a new service animal comes into their life. Tender, and compassionate counseling which I offer to all grieving pet parents can be especially useful in this situation. 

My beloved dog Toby was also an emotional support animal as I used to suffer from anxiety attacks, he also helped me learn to walk again after I had a stroke assisting me in balance and stability exercises

 ¹Adapted from Pet Loss Partners

²Excerpted from “Quality of Life Scale” by Dr. Alice Villalobos